


a singular twin; i cannot think of a worse thing

by blacksunshine29



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: #SorryNotSorry, Death, F/M, George Weasley - Freeform, Harry Potter - Freeform, M/M, Post-War, Quidditch, Sad, fred weasley - Freeform, if i'm gonna be sad so are you
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-11
Updated: 2020-11-11
Packaged: 2021-03-09 06:15:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27500035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blacksunshine29/pseuds/blacksunshine29
Summary: The Weasley twin, I suppose. Post war, bad memories, ptsd all the stuff that should've been in the epilogue. George dealing with the loss of his brother. Also, trigger warning: implied suicide, excessive drinking, ptsd, suicidal thoughts.
Relationships: Angelina Johnson/George Weasley, Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley, Luna Lovegood/Ginny Weasley, Marcus Flint/Oliver Wood
Kudos: 3





	1. i wish i were numb

After Fred’s death George was the opposite of numb. 

Everyone around him kept saying that (“I just feel so numb, Ginny dear.”) and he hated it. He wished he were numb. Wished that he could go on through life feeling numb. He spit in the sink of the small apartment they’d shared. He felt it when his brother died; like a string inside of him broke. His family and friends thought he needed space. They said come to us if you need anything and we’ll help you. He didn’t need space. He had space and he wanted it to be filled. He needed his brother, he needed Fred back. Angelina, Katie and Alicia stopped by occasionally. Katie brought him firewhiskey and muggle movies. They would watch the movies completely drunk which made everything funnier. Alicia brought bits of news from the outside world. She was never great at comforting and preferred instead to stay out of it, but she missed Fred too and he didn’t mind hearing the news every once and a while. Angelina brought food, she would buy a week’s worth of groceries, make meals for him and put them in the fridge. She rarely spoke to him and instead choose to leave little surprises for him; a cupcake, some Honeydukes chocolate, some rare coin she’d found and other little things. They were always random but George cherished them. He had them displayed on a shelf. The food he ate pretty much right away but everything else went on what he called The Angelina Shelf. Lee had spent a couple days with George; they’d stubbornly talked of everything but the war. He’d gone away when George had rejected the offer of being on Potterwatch again. He tuned in though and listened. Lee would discuss what Harry had been doing and occasionally interviewed him on his favorite pajamas. Percy had come by, as soon as he entered the room, he broke down crying and George had comforted him. Bill had sent a perfume that George was pretty sure was actually from Fleur. Charlie had mailed leather gloves and a detailed letter describing various dragons. Ron had come by and awkwardly talked to George until Hermione walked in and pushed his youngest brother towards him. She’d given him flowers because that’s what muggles did and walked out. Harry and Hagrid had made a scrapbook filled with pictures of the twins and various detention slips. George had thrown it across the room when he first saw it but now, he looked at it almost every day. His parents had come; Molly with food and sweaters, Arthur with an assortment of enchanted rubber ducks. Ginny hadn’t stopped by once. She’d been especially close to Fred and according to everyone else had left for Hogwarts as soon as she could. George had been holed up in the apartment for two months now. He hadn’t reopened the shop though he knew that his brothers would run it in his stead. He hadn’t cleaned up and only showered when Angelia threatened to snap his broomstick in half if he didn’t. The worst part about it all was that he wished that one of his other brothers had died instead. It was awful and made him gag every time he thought about it; but if he was honest, he really wished it were true. He never saw Charlie or Bill anyways. Percy had been with Fred; he should’ve done something. Ron was off galivanting instead of protecting his family. He knew it was unfair, all of it, they shouldn’t be blamed and no doubt they blamed themselves but he couldn’t help it. He wasn’t numb. He felt everything. The pitiful glances as the Weasley Twins were famous. The awful hugs and pats on the back. The chocolate and flowers and condolences and cards. All of them just made him want to scream. So that’s how everyone except Angelina, Katie and Alicia ended up banned from George’s apartment.

“Care to explain why everyone else is banned?” Alicia asked. George grunted in response.

“You’d think that age would mature him.” Katie commented. “Thank you, George, for that eloquent answer.”

“Don’t tease him Kades.” Angelina reprimanded.

“I’m not teasing him; I’m explaining that his answer wasn’t sufficient.” George smiled. “See, look. The idiot’s smiling.” Katie pointed triumphantly; George tried in vain to hide his smile but the girls had already seen it.

“Fine.” Angelina huffed. “To Alicia’s point, why exactly are we the only ones allowed?”

“It’s a top-secret club.” Katie said conspiratorially.

“It’s not top-secret Kades.” George sighed.

“He spoke! Our savior has spoken!” Alicia cried out enthusiastically. Angelina glared at her and she stuck her tongue out.

“Oliver can come too.” George mumbled.

“Quiiiiiiditch!” Angelina sang. She seemed to have lost her stiff upper lip in the face of her favorite thing in the world.

“Can Marcus come?” Alicia asked.

“Flint?” George looked up confused. “Since when are you on first name terms?” She looked at him unimpressed.

“Since he and Oliver started dating, obviously.” The girls were looking at him now with eyebrows raised.

“OLIVER’S DATING MARCUS FLINT????” George yelled. It was the first time he’d yelled in months. It felt good. He wanted to do that again.

“Yeah, they’ve been together for months. Did you not notice the years of sexual tension?” Katie asked astounded.

“No…? That’s why you guys would giggle when they shook hands!” He looked shocked at his own revelation. The girls laughed and George shook his head dumbly. “Yeah, sure then, Flint can come?”

“You don’t sound sure. It’s okay if you don’t want him.” Angelina said.

He nodded. “I have to tell him that if he hurts Oliver then I’m going to hurt him. I told Lee that when you too first got together.” He pointed at Alicia. She rolled her eyes and Katie smiled mischievously.

“Well, I’ll be having a word when you too make the announcement.” She smiled smugly before exchanging a speaking look with Alicia who burst out laughing. George, who understood what they were hinting at was resisting the urge to see Angelina’s reaction. He was not succeeding at this and the other two squealed when they made eye contact. George was both ready to jump for joy and ban Katie from his home. Angelina was blushing and by Alicia’s reaction the former had most likely denied this fact for a while.

“We should leave the love birds at it.” Alicia added. Katie was giving her a pointed look and digging around in George’s cupboards.

“Katie!” He called out hurrying over to her.

She looked up and mockingly said, “George!” She was sifting through his liquor drawer. “You go through these fast. Impressive.” 

“Thanks.” She laughed and pulled out some firewhiskey. “I hate to say it but someone should probably stay sober.”

“Well, I’m not volunteering. I have demons to drown, lover boy.” He glared at her to which she simply smiled.

“We all have demons.” His next words were barely coherent.

“And that’s why we have firewhiskey, George.” He gave her a look asking her to be serious. “I mean it. You just let your demons attack you, you have to drown them or grow out of them and these fuckers are long term so I’ll stick with drowning.” 

“Oliver gives better pep talks.” He commented.

She elbowed him, “Shove off you fool.” He was laughing now and so was she. 

He stopped abruptly; he shouldn’t be laughing. He laughed with Fred. He shouldn’t laugh with Katie now. He could be ‘normal’ for a bit and then it would all come crashing back. It was easier with the girls; they didn’t offer condolences; they didn’t give cards and most of all they didn’t seem to notice that he was without Fred. All Katie wanted to do was get drunk; she had a good reason though. Her whole family was killed during the war and she really wasn’t about to put up with his grief as well as her own. Alicia had Lee but her family had left England saying that the memories were too much. And Angelina, she helped just by being there. Her presence lit up the room regardless of whether or not she said anything. She didn’t coddle him but she worried, she didn’t smother him with affection but made sure to give him a hug whenever she left. He felt awful about his feelings for her; she’d gone out briefly with Fred at the Yule Ball and he hadn’t minded then but now, now he felt disgusting.

“Earth to George. Maybe it’s not time to drown those demons.” Katie appeared above him; he was lying on the floor. Angelina’s thundering footsteps came up to him and she cupped his face. 

“He’s alright. Oh, thank Godric, he’s alright. You’re alright.” She brushed hair out of his eyes and he felt like he might melt under her touch. It was gone too quickly and Katie was pressing something cold on his forehead.

“You passed out.” Katie said; concern edging her words. “And your ear, or lack of ear, started bleeding again. We thought you might’ve…” She didn’t finish the sentence and broke their eye contact. 

He knew what she’d been about to say; they thought he might’ve died. They didn’t know that this wasn’t the first time. Ever since he’d started eating less and less food he would occasionally wake up on the floor. In the back of his mind he knew he was starving himself but the main point was that he’d be able to see Fred again. He didn’t have to live anymore; honestly, it’d be easier if he wasn’t. He was just lucky that none of them had learned Legilimens. Hermione suspected it; she’d superstitiously dropped a muggle suicide prevention pamphlet in his living room. He added her into his will: “For Hermione Jean Granger; there is a letter in my possession with her name on it (only she will be allowed to read that letter), the ‘F’ sweater currently hidden inside of my ‘G’ sweater, a 5% share in Weasley’s Wizarding Wheezes, and one item from the store of her choice.”


	2. a rational weasley

“For Hermione Jean Granger:” Arthur read allowed his voice shaking slightly. The loss of another son was becoming realer every second. Hermione gasped and gripped Ron’s hand tighter. “there is a letter in my possession with her name on it (only she will be allowed to read that letter), the ‘F’ sweater currently hidden inside of my ‘G’ sweater are both hers, a 5% share in Weasley’s Wizarding Wheezes, and one item from the store of her choice.” Arthur handed her the letter with shaky hands and she took it clutching the envelope to her chest. The sweater was handed to her by him as well and she felt Ginny gaze at it. She resolved to give it to her friend after the funeral. It wasn’t disobeying his wishes if she was only borrowing it. The 5% would eventually be minimal compared to Ron’s 90% but she must’ve really impacted him. They’d never had much conversation and she yearned to read the letter. It had been suicide; the Healers confirmed it. He’d died of starvation with plenty of food in the fridge. The letter must be his note; she was muggleborn and the wizards thought nothing of the letter. Only that he was thanking her for something; assuming that she was easier to write to since he’d only known her as his brother’s friend. The rest of the will reading went by as slow as a sloth climbing through honey. Hermione wriggled uncomfortably at the stares given by the family and various friends as she and Ron walked out, Harry trailing behind them. 

“Don’t mind them.” Ron whispered. His hand tightened on hers and he pulled her closer. She was flush up against them and she pressed herself closer. She felt the stinging realization that Harry was alone behind them but she didn’t do anything until they’d left the crowd. She spun around to talk to him but he disappeared with a crack and without a word.

“Is he mad?” She asked. 

“No, I think he’s just giving us space. He probably also doesn’t want to interfere.” Ron replied; maybe not wisely but with a solemn tone. He’d matured after Hogwarts, still the boy she’d fallen in love with but with the ability to keep a serious face and have actual conversations. He still had that boyish grin that had reminded his late brother so painfully of Fred. George’s death had come as a shock. She felt enormously guilty for it; she’d dropped a suicide prevention pamphlet in his living room. Had she given him the idea? She’d been sure that he was considering it, but had he only considered it because of her pamphlet? She’d never told Ron about it. Her heart pounded for more reasons than the fact that they’d just apparated. When they entered their home Hermione couldn’t smile as she had every time before.

“Darling?” Ron asked and then, “Open the letter privately. That’s what he, he wanted.” Ron said quietly. As they’d spent more and more time together, he seemed to able to read her mind. At first it was unnerving and had caused a fight but now she welcomed it and nodded gratefully.

She opened the envelope and pulled a piece of parchment covered in George’s handwriting out. She whispered the letter’s contents aloud, “Dear Hermione, If, you’ve got this I’m most likely dead and you probably know why. As far as I know you were the only one who realized what was wrong. I did call the number on the pamphlet you gave me. But the muggles were confused and I probably messed it up. I couldn’t mention the war because they wouldn’t have heard of it. The war made it worse I think, all the mental replays and the fact that nobody was there to save him. But I couldn’t tell them that. So, I made up a story. That my twin brother had been shot, and that I wasn’t there when it happened. It didn’t help. Now, if that had been my story it probably would’ve helped but it wasn’t and they were trying to fix problems that I wasn’t dealing with. I didn’t go about it conventionally; I think I was too much of a coward to deliver the killing stroke. I needed to suffer because Fred had suffered. I suppose by the time you read this I’ll already be with him. I gave the sweaters to you because I thought you’d be able to be rational and hold onto them without doing anything stupid. I wouldn’t want to influence you but I think Ginny would appreciate them. If you do plan on giving them to someone, I suggest you wait a couple weeks. I think it was only right that I am dead. The family couldn’t look at me without seeing my brother. If you could, give Angelina my love. Tell her that I love her even now. Tell Katie that she’s free to my liquor though I suppose she might’ve already taken it. Make sure Alicia knows about Katie’s drinking problem. Send my well wishes to Oliver Wood and write a separate letter to Marcus Flint telling him that if he hurts Oliver I’ll come back and haunt him. Be sure to tell Harry that it’s not his fault. Tell Mum that I’m sorry. Dad will understand he knows what Fred meant to me. And since it’s obligatory, if you hurt Ron I will also come back and haunt you. Fred will help me and you’ll be miserable. Don’t let Percy overwork himself; he does that when bad things happen. Don’t let Charlie come home with too many burns. Make friends with Fleur if you can to keep Bill in the loop. Take care of Ron. Do girly things with Ginny and go to her Quidditch matches. Eat Mum’s food and teach Dad more about muggles. This seems very rude to burden you with all this and I know you have a career and a life ahead of you. Just please help a little, because you’ll think through things rationally and I don’t think a single member of my family could be described as rational. Love, George.” Hermione hadn’t realized that she’d been crying until her tears dropped on the paper. She wiped them and went over the various tasks George had set. She didn’t think it rude that he’d given them to her, in fact it made logical sense. Perhaps he was the rational member of the Weasley clan. Ron and Ginny shouldn’t be difficult and she was already planning on giving the sweaters to Ginny. Maybe one to her and one to Ron; they were after all the closest to the twins. Percy she’d run into a couple times at the ministry so she could talk to Kingsley and have him keep an eye out. Making friends with Fleur would be interesting; but Hermione was an adult now and she could summon her courage, she was a Gryffindor after all, and talk to the woman. Hanging out with Ginny was a no-brainer as was eating Mrs. Weasley’s food and she could never say no to Mr. Weasley. She began with the simplest task: sending Oliver well wishes.

“Honey! I’m going to my parents; I’ll be home soon!” Ron called out. Hermione gave him a thumbs up and a weak smiled. As soon as the door shut behind him, she pulled out a parchment and wrote, “Dear Oliver, I hope you’re doing well. As you may have heard George Weasley has passed away. He has joined his brother Fred and will no doubt be enjoying themselves. No, no that’s awful.” She started over. “We are all grieved at his passing. That’s repetition. We are all in mourning. He has requested that I offer you well wishes on his behalf. I hope that you and Marcus are doing alright. Please let Marcus know that if he hurts you George is planning on haunting him. Your friend, Hermione.” She gave the letter a read through and sent it off. Ron’s owl flew off, she refused to call him Pig or Pigwidgeon and decided instead that ‘Ron’s owl’ would suffice. The next easiest step was probably to tell Alicia about Katie’s apparent drinking problem. She wrote another letter to Alicia asking if they could meet up at the Three Broomsticks. Ron and his owl arrived at relatively the same time. The stay at his parents had gone longer than he thought and just about the length that Hermione had expected. His eyes were puffy and though she knew the healing spell she pulled him into a quick kiss and a hug instead. Ron wasn’t much of a crier. Harry was, cried about everything, but not Ron. After their first big adventure back in the first year; Harry had sat in his dorm with her and Ron and cried. Admittedly, Hermione had done her own fair share of tear spilling but not Ron. He’d reenacted the most exciting parts making sure to poke fun at himself. He’d told a story about three brave knights incidentally called Harry, Ron and Hermione. And she’d loved him for it; perhaps not in the moment when her exact words were “Ronald I am not a sir.” When he’d referred to her as Sir Hermione. He smelled the same as he had done that day. She couldn’t categorize it but it was distinctly Ron.

“Mum was crying the whole time, not that I blame her, Dad was cooking which I don’t even have to tell you was awful. Bill ate it but he also only eats raw steak which is very hard to mess up. Percy was working the whole time so Charlie and I went to get him out but it turned out he was having a bit of a sob fest, again I don’t blame him. Ginny refused to talk or eat and Luna picked her up around seven. She brought some kind of wine that she’d made but we didn’t touch it. She was kind though, stayed for a bit to offer help and condolences and took Ginny away to their flat. Charlie and I sat in the garden and talked for a while. He’s going back to Romania, on some trek to find an endangered dragon.” He pulled away and they sat on their couch. 

“Have you talked to Parvati yet? I know you were meaning to.”

“We’re meeting up next week. It’ll just be a bit weird without, well without Lavender.” Hermione sighed. 

“You’re not mad at her anymore?” Ron questioned gently. They hadn’t discussed his previous relationship before; not in depth or without screaming and tears.

“No. We were friends before you two started dating. I wrote her a letter while we were away in the seventh year just basically saying that I hope we can be friends again. She agreed and sent me the best of luck. You can’t throw away five years of living together just like that.” 

“Good point. We might meet up with the boys later. Not now, but Dean and Seamus have a get together that they’ve organized. Neville’s probably coming and Harry will come if I ask.” Ron nodded at his own words and Hermione brushed his hair out of his face.

“We should stop by Harry’s tomorrow and I need to send a letter to Alicia and Angelina and probably Katie as well.” Hermione muttered. Ron smiled at her and left to their bed. She would join him soon and they’d fall into a world far away from their own.

She woke up in the middle of the night to the sound of Ron crying. She flipped him over so he was facing her and wiped his tears away. It was more of a gesture than actually helpful.

“Hey, darling, c’mere.” She made to wrap her arms around him but he held his hand up to stop her.

“I should’ve known.” Hermione bit her lip and he continued. “He did it to see Fred. I know he did.” He sighed. “It’s stupid anyways.”

**Author's Note:**

> hey,
> 
> if you have any suggestions please let me know! my tumblr is @blacksunshine29. have a great day or night.


End file.
